Monthly Archives: February 2013

Roller Coaster Continues…

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So I’ve been feeling very blue, and this morning I got my period.  I called the nurse to tell her, and she’s starting my cycle tomorrow for FET.  We fought the good fight with them, and really pushed them not to delay me and put me on birth control pills before starting the cycle.  

FET day is March 26.

The wait begins…

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So as reality sets in, the waiting game begins.  

We’re waiting for my period to happen so I can begin BC pills and get this cycle started.  

The good news is that we have 8 embryos that we’ll thaw and transfer two at a time.  In the meanwhile, I’m going to try to get my running back as a regular habit.  I stopped exercising pretty much after the surgery in October, so hopefully I’ll be able to get that going again now.  The cycle made me so bloated and uncomfortable, that it was pretty tough.

We’ve been having back and forth emails with our nurse about when to start and it’s tough to know because nothing can start until I get my period.  I feel like I’ve been getting my period for 3 weeks, so it’ll be a relief to actually get it and move past it.

This cycle’s protocol looks like birth control pills, then every 3rd day IM shot until the transfer, then PIO shots- not sure of the regularity of them.

BFN

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IVF #1 = fail

At least I was prepared, knowing in my heart it hadn’t worked.  Now I’m just frustrated to find out that for Shady Grove’s scheduling purposes, they have to put me on birth control pills for 3 weeks before I can start an FET cycle which is another 6 weeks minimum before we can start again.  So annoying, have a call with doctor to find out WHY.

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Had a call with Sagoskin, and here’s how it went…

Q:  What is the quality of my eggs?  Was that a factor in my failed IVF?   Anything I could do differently?
  >>The reason for the fail -He said its because they were chromosomal abnormal.  No way to really tell before they  transfer/implant.
Q:  Can I do another fresh cycle, before doing FET?  I fear the closer I get to 40, the worse my eggs will get
>>He said not sure, he will check with Paige on it.  It may depend on our financial arrangement with them.
Q   DOING BCP-How many weeks does that add to each cycle?  To me it sounds like That adds 3-4 weeks for each cycle – which would put me at almost 40 before I can do a fresh cycle again?
>>He said that they have to do it that way to make sure that I’m in the best possible position.  It would jeopardize mine and other patients if they didn’t do it this way.
Q.  What about the other patients that don’t make it to the Frozen embyryo transfer, what about their times?
>>We do a certain number of frozen transfers a week.  We wouldn’t know in time to get you ready to fill in those slots.  (Bascially- The chance of me ovulating and having my lining ready at the exact time when they have a cancellation is unrealistic)
Q.  If no, How can I move forward without having to do the BCP?
>>He will talk to Paige to get my lined up as soon as possible…but the bottom line is that I still have to do it their way.
Q.  How many embryos will survive the thaw?
>>90-95%, they will unthaw 2 for the next frozen cycle for me.  They are good quality, or else they wouldn’t have frozen them.
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We had some of those back and forths with both of us talking at the same time, refusing to yield to the other person about the scheduling and BCP issue.  To no luck or change.  I cried a little after the phone call, but I can pull it together.
Sigh….Going to take Stella for a walk to get some air.

Beta day

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So I went in this morning to take my first beta test, and was joined by at least 10 other hopeful ladies on their babymaker journeys.  I saw several couples, and even saw one girl who had clearly just come from an ultrasound where she saw her little blueberry.  It was encouraging, but still kind of sad, knowing that it is not my course right now.  I sent an email to my nurse over the weekend (she doesn’t check email on weekends or at least respond), telling her that I had 2 negative pregnancy tests and that I wanted to schedule a meeting with Sagoskin (RE) as soon as possible to move forward with the FET since we have 8 frozen embryos.

The good news of that is that I don’t have to go through the ER process again right away or wait a couple of months to start that again, the bad news is that by the time I’m through the 8 embryos, I could be almost 40. And then the quality of my eggs could be worse since I keep hearing that the age of 40 is like falling off a cliff of fertility.  Not to offend any of my 40 + fertility sisters.  But like others have said before me, when we’re racing against the clock, every month feels like a lost opportunity.

Anyway, I have an appointment with my therapist today- we haven’t spoken in about 2 weeks, and then dinner with funny girlfriends.  I don’t feel that badly now, partly because I’m pretty confident about our next course of action. Either they’ll have me start of BCP on day 4 of my period which may be as soon as next Monday, or maybe even get started sooner so I could do an FET in mid-late March.  Or I may have developed cysts, which could set us back a few months potentially, that wouldn’t be very good.

Well, hopefully we can schedule a meeting with Sagoskin and we can talk about why this one didn’t take, what I need to do differently (if anything for next time), etc.  I do feel like there is not much more that I know of to change.  I’ve cut out alcohol, caffeine, taken pre-natals, all my meds on time, done acupuncture, yoga, gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free, sugar-free diet, and therapy.  So, it’s just the luck of the draw…little #1 and #2 weren’t meant to be.  #4 is my favorite number, maybe that one will take 🙂

Torture

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It really is torture when you’re consumed with knowing whether or not you’re pregnant.  All along I’ve said that I wouldn’t test early, primarily because Andy will be out of town again next week and I didn’t want to find out and then not have support when he leaves.  But as of today, I think knowing, may be better than how I am so consumed with it that I can do little else…

Today I’ve been looking into how long you have to wait to start a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) so I can start thinking down that road.  From what is sounds like it’s case by case…sometimes you can start right away and sometimes you have to want a month or two.  Obviously, hoping for right away.  

Now, to decide which HPT to use on Saturday…think I’ll go get a few…The kids will be here this weekend, but Andy leaves Sunday night and won’t be back until Wednesday when I do the blood test.  

Cramps

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I’m a little worried that I’ve been having cramps on and off.  Kind of feel like getting my period cramps, but then they go away.  I wonder what they mean.  As the days go on, I get more and more hopeful instead of thinking that it might not happen.  I just keep reminding myself that we have 8 frozen embryos, so this isn’t our only shot.  I will be pretty devastated if this one doesn’t take, but we have backup!  I’m glad that the kids won’t be here next weekend, in case the news isn’t good, will be nice to just have time for Andy and I either way.

So by this time next week, we should know if it worked- well almost.  If it doesn’t, then we’ll schedule a meeting with the doctor about what we can change for frozen embryo transfer next time.  If it did work, we’ll have another blood test on Friday to see if the numbers are doubling.  I will be 5 weeks next week, so the following week could be an ultrasound!

I get excited and think about what stages of pregnancy I’ll be in at different parts of the coming year.  It’s exciting and then scary if it doesn’t work.  Oh well, one day at a time…

Temptation… POAS

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So I’ve learned that one of the many acronyms on fertility blogs is POAS means pee on a stick…I’ve also learned that everyone else seems to do it days before their first beta test.  With my original date to do the beta was 2/25, the temptation to do the home pregnancy test on the 24th is high…but either way is too risky to try, so the wait goes on 8 more days.

The waiting game…

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So my mom arrived on Friday and we were able to do the PIO shot in my right leg on Friday night, but the pain on soreness was unbearable and not something I’m willing to do again.  Immediately after, it felt like a charlie horse, and then continued that way until bedtime.  Then when I got up in the night to go to the bathroom, it was hard to walk on and I was limping Saturday.  So Saturday night, we did the PIO shot in my butt, but it was too difficult to do to contort my torso, so I decided that Sunday, I would do the suppositories until Andy got home on Wednesday.

I decided that the stress I put myself under was not worth it. The suppositories are uncomfortable, but not painful and will only be for a few days.

My boobs no longer ache, and I’m starting to think I’m not pregnant after all.  I don’t feel any different, but maybe it’s just too soon.

I’m allowed to test on 2/25, which would be a week from today, but will wait until Wednesday 2/27.  Like my friend Christy said, I’ve had that day 2/27 in my head since I started the two week wait, so it’s ok.  Only two days longer…

We went to see my friend Stacy’s 4 week old yesterday and I teared up a bit when I held him.    It was hard to imagine that one day I too could be holding one of those of my own!  Some of the other girls on the forum that I follow on my same month protocol are going to begin taking their beta tests tomorrow.  I wish them good luck!!!

One other thing is that i’m pretty cranky over the last 36 hours…

I must be pregnant…already developing “Mother’s guilt”…

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So I’m still really struggling with the PIO shots.  Last night I tried for an hour and finally had to ask Andy for help in giving it to myself, AGAIN.  I couldn’t sleep last night thinking that I have to decide early in the morning because I need to give myself the suppositories if I’m not going to be able to do the shot at night.

Then the guilt settled in, why can’t I just give the shot to myself, when I’m told its the best thing for the embryos.  I feel guilty because I can’t suck it up enough to do what’s best for them.

I heard from the nurse that it’s OK to do the suppositories, not to stress out.  But she is the one who said that “anecdotally” her patients have better outcomes on PIO.

Well, either way, I’m covered today because I’ve already taken the two suppositories today and I’ll try again for the shot tonight.  This time in my leg, after ice, because my butt is really hurting.

On a happier note, we have EIGHT frozen embryos in the cryo bank!  That is great news because Sagoskin, MD, didn’t make it out to seem like we’d have many if any.  A little relief there knowing that we’ve got another couple of chances!